woes...

The similarity with my fyp and my internship at keppel is that I am doing things which I don't know and lack the fundamental concepts to learn about, and I can't seem to engage my superiors in a useful discussion to learn more as I seem to be better at taking orders from them. Discussions with peers like during projects are so much easier as everyone seems to be more or less on the same level. hmmmm........

Progress or not...

Trying to keep a steady progress in all your projects is quite tiresome for me especially since I am such an unfocused person. Maybe I will keep a progress log here to keep track of what I have been doing weekly :)
I stumbled on this idea when I read this article http://www.sodaware.net/blog/2005/11/keeping-a-progress-log-part-ii/

Basically this guy separates his goals into 7 categories - Financial, Work (or Study for me), Fun, Health, Relationships, Contributions, Personal. He also uses this b-Alert system to focus his life and gives himself scores daily. b-Alert stands for blueprint (basically a to-do list), Action, Learning, Exercise, Relaxing, Thinking. I kind of get that he wants to have a life that wants to do a lot of things (which is what I am doing) and to do them well (which is what I am not doing).

First I shall list out the important goals currently.
1) FYP - I just had a major  complete change of topic, so its kind of restarting every single thing.
2) Other engineering modules - I am not really enthusiastic about them but I am up to date thanks to group mates
3) NUS Skating Club - I go every wed. But in terms of skills and goals that is to teach, slalom and urban, I am definitely not reaching them.
4) Tembusu Bladers - I have a session every thursday but lesser people are going each week and I do not really think of new ways to promote it and tell a lot of people about it.
5) Tea drinking club - I held a welcome tea which had like 40 people attending but nobody wants to co-organize. I had a subsequent session where I had a few friends to come.
- the lack of people makes it feel if it is worth continuing
6) Tstudios - I design one poster and went to meetings. I should be designing more...
7) Tembusu Ukulele Beats - We had 2 performance but I feel like the general enthusiasm is lessening as we have been skipping sessions for 2 weeks.
8) TYE 1: Tkampung and Globetrekkers: I got photos from tkampung and read some storytelling skills and discussed with Allison.
9) TYE 2: Reviewing Tkampung: met up with the crew and found out more about their experience.
10) TYE 3: Consulting with social enterprise: in the process of looking for a social enterprise.
11) Babirusa: They had a lot of hanging out but I was always busy or sleepy.
12) BAF: Didn't hangout much recently as everyone is busy with our own lives.
13) Resident Assistant: wanted to hangout a lot with the people and foster a homely experience in ORA but I have also been neglecting it a lot.
14) Gymming and Swimming - NIL

So it seems like I am really trying to do too much without really doing anything at all. I'm more like hobo-ing around. With my tendency to just muck around, I need more time to do a single stuff or I can be more focused! Maybe I should drop some of the things that I have less of a connection to or are less needed... I shall just spend the weekend sitting on these thoughts...

1 month on in my final year

Reality really sucks.

These days I am always stuck in my room trying to figure out the academic papers, equations, codes, programs for my FYP which is horrible....I feel like a headless chicken running around trying to find my head.

There are things in my 4 years in NUS that I feel I have done right and things that I have not.

Things that I am happy that I have done are joining publication in year 1 and skating club Exco in year 2, applying for Tembusu in year 2, going on exchange. The experiences and friends I made are the best I had in my life.

Things that I have regretted doing is interning at Keppel and my FYP and not participating in more clubs and societies in my first 2 years. But it is through doing these shit work that I found out about the things I hate and can't do.

When you are always succeeding, you are alright with doing the thing, but when you first fail at it, it is at the moment when you will realize it is your passion as it decides whether you will carry on plowing on and trying again or just feel like quitting. I chose to do engineering because I was just good at math and science, not because I have a genuine love for it. Now it seems as if I am hitting the difficult part of engineering course and I am coming to hate it a lot, especially the research part.

No research job for me I guess. (plz just let me survive this final year)